Right-Sized Belonging

Six Practices for Organizers

by Sammie Ablaza Wills

A dark forest green quilt with 8 colorful earth-tone patches assembled around the center. The center of the quilt is an overhead of a light-skinned southeast asian person with dark brown hair sewing using a white sewing machine. Around them are 8 patches they have quilted, symbolizing concepts and skills of “nested belonging”, “right-sized belonging”, “anchoring your purpose”, “approaching problems with collective governance”, “setting boundaries & expectations”, “understanding trauma & build emotional skill”, “increasing conflict resilience”, and “connecting to a broader movement ecosystem” (in length descriptions below for each quilt patch). The edges of the quilt are embellished with thin eggshell threading of different fractals found in nature, including in spiderwebs, mountain formations, dandelions, butterflies, solar systems, and snowflakes. How natural belonging is if we look at its evidence in patterns of nature!

“We show up in movement expecting belonging. Movements need to be spaces that get good at belonging, cultivating belonging, because we want to be an invitation, and we want to be a sanctuary, and we want to be a space that can hold and grow the future.”

– adrienne maree brown, Distinguished and Singing

Introduction

Atop a sky blue square quilt patch is a sewn sunflower surrounded by broken lined, different colored solar rings. Each ring contains different icons representing what the sunflower needs, including love (depicted as a heart), a home, a watering can, rain, sun, community (depicted as a set of three sunflowers in a row). The icons are nested in order to show the rings of support each individual (or in this case, a sunflower needs) from self, loved ones, nature, and community.

What is Belonging?

Belonging is a fundamental human need that shapes our motivations and actions. In a social movement context, belonging can be defined as people feeling that they are seen, valued, and recognized as part of a larger system or organization.

Belonging is nearly invisible to us when it exists. Just as with other basic needs such as safety and dignity, our need for belonging is most heightened when we feel its absence. The severity with which this absence is felt influences what we do and why. Crises of belonging (or dynamic belonging) can be felt in different nested dimensions: internally, in interpersonal relationships, in communities, and in broader ideas.

Our movement’s ability to create the conditions for belonging, without perpetuating subordination and coercion, will determine our strength and cohesion moving forward.

This project is the culmination of a lifetime of wrestling with belonging and a decade of organizing experiments with transgender and queer Asians and Pacific Islanders in Lavender Phoenix1. Over the last 18 months I’ve spoken with over 25 organizers, leaders, facilitators, and strategists across the so-called United States (see appendix 2 and 3 for a list of conversation partners and for more on methodology). From these conversations and reflections come six suggested practices for organizations to implement in their own bases and spaces.

Taking it Home

At 17 I was convinced that there was no place for me in this world. Growing up working poor, mentally ill, queer, gender nonconforming, and mixed race–I was told, implicitly and explicitly, that I did not belong. 

This understanding remained central even once I got involved in social movement work. As I started to get activated by anti-imperialism organizations and labor solidarity groups, my actions, my drive, my attempts to be perfect were influenced by the fear that I would be cast out at any moment. My belonging was so fragile I felt like I had to perform in order to earn my spot to stay. 

My fear-based sense of accountability deeply impacted how I moved throughout the work. I avoided conflict, acted as a people-pleaser, swallowed my emotions and analysis, made excuses for others’ misaligned behavior, and minimized myself.

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Atop cool-toned green patch is a sewn group of individuals working together to build a community in front of colorful cloud shapes and plants. In the front right, a light-skinned Southwest asian person with short dark brown hair wearing an olive shirt sit to talk and plan and dream together with their community member, a dark skinned Black person with curly pinkish orange hair, tied in two buns. In the back a dark-skinned South Asian person with short curly dark brown hair, wearing a floral light blue dress, carries a building block. In the front left, two Latinx elders carry a building block together. The elder on the left is wearing a vest outfit and has short bob-length brown hair. The elder on the right has a thick green braid and is wearing a long emerald green dress.
Atop a light grey-blue patch is a sewn turquoise sieve held by two community members. They sieve sand from earth and cool tone jewels, working together to filter out what does not work and keeping what does work in their connection, leaving behind beautiful gems. The person on the left is a medium-toned South Asian person with a high dark brown ponytail, wearing a deep blue shirt and color blocked pants. The person on the right is a Black Latinx person with dreads, wearing an olive green long sleeve shirt and green-grey pants.

Why We Should Think About Belonging

We’re living in a belonging-starved culture, where alienation and individualism are in full force. People are either struggling to find belonging due to very real constraints on their time and energy (working multiple jobs, constant upheaval, etc.), or they’re finding belonging in fear-based economies (conspiracy theories, alt-Right and neo-fascism, men’s rights groups, etc.).

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Cultivating Right-Sized Belonging

Between the poles of over- and under-belonging, we can find “right-sized belonging” – a type of belonging that is properly balanced, so that people in our organizations feel both their internal agency and humanhood AND a resilient commitment to a collective purpose.

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Atop a light green square quilt patch is a sewn set of three opaque vases from smallest to largest. The smallest on the far left is tipped over from the excess of water. The largest vase on the far right stands tall but holds too little water. The middle vase is the perfect size and in turn able to support an assortment of different types of flowers. A tiny figure, a South Asian person with medium-toned skin and short dark brown hair, embraces the center vase. An eggshell color thread, threads around this center piece. A large medium toned arm holds out more flowers to place into the center vase on the right side of the quilt square.

Practices that Create Belonging

“A culture of belonging recognizes that we are always in a state of dynamic action and reaction. Belonging is never done and will constantly have to be remade. We’re in the midst of constructing new ways to see and new ways to be. This is not always comfortable, but it is part of our human experience.”

– Evan Bissell, Notes on a Cultural Strategy for Belonging

Belonging is a verb3. It’s not a static destination, but rather something that is cultivated and cultivated again through iterative practice. Simply talking about belonging, an idea full of abstractions, isn’t enough. To enact change in our groups and create opportunities for belonging, we must commit ourselves to practices that become our culture. 

Intentional practice interrupts conditioning and constructs new ways of being. Just as we consider dialectical materialism in our organizing, we must see the dialectical processes of our groups. Each of us must create a hypothesis of how we need to grow right-sized belonging, test it through practices, evaluate our culture, and test it again. Our world and our work are always in motion, and our practices towards belonging must reflect this motion. 

Practicing belonging should be integral to the fabric of our organizations, not an additive to our work that fuels non-profit culture and never-ending ‘bureaucratic inertia4.’ Rather than creating new work on top of our ultimate goals, I’m asking our movements to consider what a belonging-based approach to organizing looks like. When our staff, leaders, and members engage in these practices, how does it improve our ability to build trusting relationships and meet our goals? 

Below I’ll focus on six practices that can cultivate belonging. Within each practice I’ll provide a brief description, risks of neglecting the practice, and opportunities that arise if we choose to move deeper. I’ll also include assessment questions and suggested implementations for each practice. Although this is geared towards base-building organizations, each of our groups will be different in terms of goals, size, and constituency. Folks are encouraged to spend time adapting to their unique location and culture. The six practices are:

 

Click the practices above or interact with the quilt of belonging below to learn more about each practice.

1

Anchor Your Purpose

What is Belonging?

4
Understand Trauma & Build Emotional Skill

2
Approach Problems with Collective Governance

5
Increase Conflict Resilience

3
Set Boundaries and Expectations

Right-Sized Belonging

6
Connect to a Broader Movement Ecosystem

Atop a light blue square quilt patch is a sewn orange boat with a yellow sail anchored by a large blue anchor in the ocean. The anchor is covered in yellow and white seaweed and plant life. In the boat are three individuals, a medium toned Latinx person wearing a turquoise raincoat and looking and reaching into the ocean, a light skinned East Asian person with long black hair wearing an olive green sweater, and light-skinned Latinx person with curly brown hair wearing a grey shirt and brown overalls. The sky blue ocean contains stars!

Anchor Your Purpose

Atop cool-toned green patch is a sewn group of individuals working together to build a community in front of colorful cloud shapes and plants. In the front right, a light-skinned Southwest asian person with short dark brown hair wearing an olive shirt sit to talk and plan and dream together with their community member, a dark skinned Black person with curly pinkish orange hair, tied in two buns. In the back a dark-skinned South Asian person with short curly dark brown hair, wearing a floral light blue dress, carries a building block. In the front left, two Latinx elders carry a building block together. The elder on the left is wearing a vest outfit and has short bob-length brown hair. The elder on the right has a thick green braid and is wearing a long emerald green dress.

Approach Problems with Collective Governance

Atop a light grey-blue patch is a sewn turquoise sieve held by two community members. They sieve sand from earth and cool tone jewels, working together to filter out what does not work and keeping what does work in their connection, leaving behind beautiful gems. The person on the left is a medium-toned South Asian person with a high dark brown ponytail, wearing a deep blue shirt and color blocked pants. The person on the right is a Black Latinx person with dreads, wearing an olive green long sleeve shirt and green-grey pants.

Set Boundaries and Expectations

Atop a sky blue square quilt patch is a sewn sunflower surrounded by broken lined, different colored solar rings. Each ring contains different icons representing what the sunflower needs, including love (depicted as a heart), a home, a watering can, rain, sun, community (depicted as a set of three sunflowers in a row). The icons are nested in order to show the rings of support each individual (or in this case, a sunflower needs) from self, loved ones, nature, and community.
Atop a sky blue square quilt patch is a sewn sunflower surrounded by broken lined, different colored solar rings. Each ring contains different icons representing what the sunflower needs, including love (depicted as a heart), a home, a watering can, rain, sun, community (depicted as a set of three sunflowers in a row). The icons are nested in order to show the rings of support each individual (or in this case, a sunflower needs) from self, loved ones, nature, and community.
Atop a light green square quilt patch is a sewn set of three opaque vases from smallest to largest. The smallest on the far left is tipped over from the excess of water. The largest vase on the far right stands tall but holds too little water. The middle vase is the perfect size and in turn able to support an assortment of different types of flowers. A tiny figure, a South Asian person with medium-toned skin and short dark brown hair, embraces the center vase. An eggshell color thread, threads around this center piece. A large medium toned arm holds out more flowers to place into the center vase on the right side of the quilt square.
Atop a green-blue quilt patch is a sewn array of beautiful differently colored and shaped shells. The different shells hold different people with their different experiences and traumas. A larger figure, a dark skinned Black person with tied dark blue hair, on the right holds a shell to their ear to listen. In the center of their chest is nested fragmented circles embroidered with eggshell thread. Two smaller doodled figures to their left hold each-other’s hands and shells to listen to one another, to feel thoughtfully understood and to feel belonging. Shells and spirals are fractals, connecting to the patterns of belonging we find in nature.

Understand Trauma & Build Emotional Skill

Atop a color blocked terracotta and tan square quilt is a sewn large 3 strand braid, with the ends of two of its strands held by small figures. The two individuals face away from each other, although they will have to return to complete the braid and build something stronger. The person on the right is a light skinned Southeast Asian person with long tied black hair, wearing a red long sleeve shirt and green pants, holding one strand of the braid. On the left is a medium-toned Southwest Asian person with short curly black hair, wearing a green shirt and grey pants. In the background are two completed braided baskets holding an abundance of fruits. Embroidered in dark brown thread surrounding are three birds facing one another leaned in with their mouths agape as in conversation.

Increase Conflict Resilience

Atop a color blocked deep and light orange square quilt is two sewn individuals holding hands. Above them are three different quilts, showing the many quilts and microcosms within our movement ecosystems. A fabric that the person at the center of the quilt is sewing, trails in loops in this quilt square. The person on the left inside the quilt square is a bald light-skinned Southwest Asian person, wearing a long sleeved blue shirt and dark blue overalls. The person on the right whose hand is being held is a medium-toned skinned Latinx person with a long dark brown braid, wearing a long sleeve green shirt and blue pants.

Connect to a Broader Movement Ecosystem

Conclusion

These practices are designed so that organizations can build a culture in which belonging is a consistent throughline. Ultimately, our future success in being able to grow our power and sustain a resilient movement depends on the intentionality with which we build the culture of our organizations.

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“Not only do we belong, we belong here. On this earth with each other. We belong to each other, and to this earth. I think it's a very small number of people who have organized in a very crafty way to disrupt that belonging. Capitalism is really young. Capitalism didn't exist 500 years ago. With its rise came the rise of modern day chattel slavery and genocide and colonization in modern forms. I'm not saying there isn't a culture of white supremacy, or there isn't a culture of colonization and resource extraction through capitalism, I'm saying there is a small number of people that orchestrated this, and we outnumber them by far. I have to believe that.”

–Patty Berne, Executive and Artistic Director, Sins Invalid

1 Lavender Phoenix is a base building organization in the San Francisco Bay Area working towards healing justice, community safety, and strategic movement ecosystems. Through relational organizing, LavNix supports transgender and queer Asian Pacific Islanders to come into their personal and collective power. I was involved in LavNix first as a Summer Intern in 2013, and stayed on staff as an organizer until I served as Executive Director from 2016-2021.

3 Not grammatically, but for the purposes of this workbook I’m thinking of belonging as an ongoing set of actions and reactions. For the people still getting caught up on this, think of it as Gopal Dayaneni taught me: “belonging is energy, it’s neither created nor destroyed. It flows through everything and it changes form under different conditions.”

4 Bureaucratic inertia describes the tendency within organizations to develop and perpetuate neverending operational procedures. These procedures can become so complex and time consuming that they override the core purpose of the organization.