Cultivating Right-Sized Belonging

Atop a light green square quilt patch is a sewn set of three opaque vases from smallest to largest. The smallest on the far left is tipped over from the excess of water. The largest vase on the far right stands tall but holds too little water. The middle vase is the perfect size and in turn able to support an assortment of different types of flowers. A tiny figure, a South Asian person with medium-toned skin and short dark brown hair, embraces the center vase. An eggshell color thread, threads around this center piece. A large medium toned arm holds out more flowers to place into the center vase on the right side of the quilt square.

When I talked to organizers, leaders, and facilitators about the nature of belonging in their work, they spoke to common themes of conflict, boundaries, shared expectations, trauma, and transformation. Across movements for workers’ rights, environmental justice, disability justice, housing justice, sex worker rights, and trans justice (to name a few), many cited a tension between over- and under- belonging.

In groups where belonging was under-prioritized, it looked like:

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An ongoing sense of urgency, that the work is always behind or never ending

Members (and staff) constantly burning out or leaving the work

Emphasis on numbers, turnout, or one-time events rather than relationships

Fear, hesitation, or inability to be emotionally vulnerable or hold space for emotions

Avoiding or brushing off conflict as a distraction

A felt sense of disposability when making mistakes or adjustments

In groups where belonging was over-prioritized, it looked like:

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Reluctance to name or address conflicts, out of fear of alienating certain individuals (sometimes to the detriment of others)

Constantly saying ‘yes’ to more ideas or tactics, even when it detracts from the core organizational purpose

Never ending conversations about process, structure, or interpersonal dynamics that halt any externally facing work

Discomfort with giving feedback or holding people accountable to mutually agreed upon responsibilities

Organizations taking up an inappropriate role in tending to the mental, spiritual, or physical health of a member, when needs should be shared by a wider ecosystem

Built-up resentment for work not shared equitably

Constant shifting of timelines or goalposts due to inability to give feedback or hold others accountable2
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Between those poles, we can find “right-sized belonging” – a type of belonging that is properly balanced, so that people in our organizations feel both their internal agency and humanhood AND a resilient commitment to a collective purpose. 

Cultivating such belonging is more than making people feel comfortable or included, it’s a set of practices that are politically necessary to create deeply democratic and resilient communities. These practices can be transformative, show people that generative conflict is possible, and give folks a sense of life-saving purpose. 

This toolkit & website tries to answer the question, how can base-building organizations cultivate right-sized belonging in service of strategy and sustainability?

Previous: Why We Should Think About Belonging
Next: Practices That Create Belonging

2 These lists emerge directly from interviews as well as from resources from the Wildfire Project. In their approach to group transformation, they name the balance between purpose and belonging as a characteristic of thriving groups.